1) Please state your name for the record?
Record? What record? Is this being recorded? Is that legal? It's Abby.
2) If you were a penguin, on the other hand, what do you think your name would be? Hypothetically speaking, of course.
3) Would you consider your ears to be smaller than average, average, larger than average, or freakishly large?
Average. Depressingly and wallfloweringly average.
4) Are you more of a Beatles or an Elvis fan? (If you answer the latter, please proceed to go set yourself on fire and then die in a hole.)
lul who r dey i liek the beetlez
5) Have you ever killed anyone? If so, did you do it with your bare hands?
My bare hands and a bit of cyanide. It was a crime of passion and pizza.
6) If you could use any fruit to describe the size and shape of your head, what fruit would you use?
Are kumquats fruit?
7) Is there any famous person you'd go gay for? Please state their name. This question is, of course, purely for academic purposes.
Emma Stone. And Anne Hathaway. And Paget Brewster. I might have to reexamine my sexuality.
8) If you had the choice, would you rather go to space, meet Paul McCartney, scuba dive in the Pacific Ocean, or sleep with Carmen Electra?
Meet Paul McCartney and tell him I cried throughout his whole Fenway concert and refused to leave until the security kicked us out. And then I could frame his signature on the restraining order.
9) How long have you had your blog? What made you start one?
I don't know. How long have I had this thing? I wanted a place to put my writing where nobody would ever see it. It's been rather successful, with you as my only audience.
10) What is your weirdest phobia?
I don't play favorites with my phobias. They might get jealous.
11) Do you believe in God?
Not a God as defined by any religion I've seen, but a diety, yes. I'm a deist, I suppose.
12) If you could start a collab. blog with any four bloggers, which ones would you do it with?
I don't know four bloggers. I only know you.
13) If you were trapped on a desert island with the same four bloggers you mentioned in the last question, which one would you eat first? With which one would you procreate?
We'd have a very interesting relationship, wouldn't we?
14) What's your favourite 80's movie?
The Breakfast Club, predictably.
15) What kind of music do you listen to?
The kind I've never heard of. It's pretty good, but sometimes there are these long silences that they should try to fix in their next record when it comes out on vinyl.
16) Imagine that you open your bedroom closet one day and suddenly a portal opens up. You can't see what is at the end of the portal, but there is a totoro inside it motioning you to follow him. Would you go inside, even if it might mean you'll never come back?
17) If you're a woman, do you find facial hair on men attractive? If you're a man, do you find facial hair on woman attractive?
Only soul patches. And by soul patches, I mean no.
18) Do you like babies?
Are those the evil things that throw up a lot and don't listen to reason?
19) What's the most violent thing you've ever done to an inanimate object?
I feel bad for inanimate objects. I might have thrown a pillow once, but why make the life of something that can't move on its own and lives at the mercy of us animate objects any worse?
20) What's the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you?
I tripped a little when I walked once and a guy looked at me funny it was devastating.
21) Do you think the world will end in 2012?
Obviously. Those Mayans.
22) Have you enjoyed this survey? Be honest, now.
23) Are you following The Nerd Archives? If not, DO YOURSELF THE FAVOUR OF DOING SO NOW.